I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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