can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
