I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
