Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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