My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
