So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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