he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
