So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
