And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
