if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
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