Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
