I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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