i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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