I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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