I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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