Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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