Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
we should paint friendship bongs
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
