i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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