If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
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