i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Randomize
