Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
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