Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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