But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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