i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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