i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Randomize
