update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
