He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
