is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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