I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
