nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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