god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
We got so high we made milksteak
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
