my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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