I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
