im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
