There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize