Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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