my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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