oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
