guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
