with your own penis?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
