Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
My pussy is not your playground.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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