I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Randomize
