My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize