Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
