he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
