Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
