So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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