She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
