why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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