even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
thus making me awesome and them whores
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
