i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize