My Higher Power is John Stamos
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
