we have officially lost it.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Randomize
