guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I cut my penus on the lid.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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