My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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