i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
