It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
