So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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