If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize