The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
