ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Randomize
