and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Randomize