I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize