I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
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