Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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