I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Text me some of your sweat
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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